A PreconcePtional conversation

It's strange how quickly you adjust and get used to things. What felt like an unmanageable bomb a couple of months ago is now an unproblematic thought. The autoantibodies that felt like a death sentence on the dream of becoming a mother,  no longer worries me the same way. It's the new normal that I will be a highrisk patient when I get pregnant, and I have come to terms with that. My gaze is wandering through the waiting room at the maternity ward in Rikshospitalet. I'm waiting to be called in for a preconceptional conversation. I am thrilled to be sitting here. 3 months ago I was told that my application would probably be rejected. Part of me is a little nervous that something new has emerged, but I don't think I'll be getting bad news today. 

The nervousness evaporates as I'm called and step into the office of a cheerful and friendly woman. It feels like the whole room is filled with optimism and even though it's a serious conversation and a serious topic, I'm filled with the same optimism. There are several potential complications associated with pregnancy and SLE. It is very important that the disease is under control and that the disease activity has been low for at least 6 months before I get pregnant.

​Since I am Ro-positive (SSA autoantibody) there is around 2% chance of heart blockage in the fetus. As a result they will be listening at the baby's heartbeat every week from week 16. In addition, I will be put on blood thinners from week 12 to reduce the risk of preeclampsia (pregnancy poisoning). I will continue on the medication I am currently taking during pregnancy, as pregnancy may increase the risk of flare-ups. I am informed that the disease carries a higher risk of growth retardation and premature birth. The list of high risk and potential complications feels long. But the doctor emphazies  that now I'm beeing told everything that might happen, usually it doesn't happen. With close monitoring, the vast majority of these pregnancies is sucessful. And this one will be to! When I leave the office, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.