Father's day

​Just like Halloween, Father's Day is a custom imported from the United States, where the first Father's Day was celebrated on June 19, 1909. In the Nordic countries, Sweden was the first to appear in June 1931. After both Sweden and Denmark experienced good sales figures in connection with Father's Day It was the tobacco trade in Norway that first proposed the introduction of Father's Day. The fact that Father's Day was added to the second Sunday in November was simply to provide more turnover until the Christmas shopping got off to a good start. Even though the day was introduced to trigger trade, it is a good idea to honor or remember fathers and the work they do. I myself am so lucky that I have two fathers, a dad and a stepfather. That is why there are also two boxes of chocolates in the hallway today. After a phone call to dad, it turned out that he is in Spain, so one of the boxes must be hidden away for so long. The other ended up in the bike basket and had a little Sunday ride.

Of course, Father's Day also touches on the sore side of my solo mom project. The fact that there will be no dad present when my baby is born. The experience and consequences of growing up without a father are what critics worry about most when they oppose assisted reproduction for single women. Most people probably agree that growing up with a good dad is better than growing up without. But I do not think one is doomed to a bad life without a biological father present. When assisted reproduction for singles is discussed, there is often a lot of focus on the biological danger, that one does not know who the biological danger is. But being and being a father is, after all, much more than just biology. It is a continuous choice to line up and be present. I think a study of gay men as parents is a touching example that being a parent is ultimately also a choice, which does something to us biologically. When a woman becomes a mother, there is a change in the amygdala that makes her respond to the baby's needs. Father's amygdala takes over when mother is not present. In gay couples where there is no mother, the amygdala works in the same way as with the mother all the time. So our own human nature is in some cases more adaptable than the individual assumes.

But biology is also a part of it, and unlike in Norway, you can choose a donor yourself at the clinics in Denmark. There is something absurd and a little sad about rationally considering search criteria that are usually made by the urinary instinct. What I emphasized when I read through the donor cards were indicators of good physical and mental health, as well as hair / eye colors that are similar to my own. After filtering down to 5 current ones, I let friends read through and provide input. It was a bit of a weird feeling to finally put a straw, as it is called, with donor semen in the shopping cart and take out the credit card. As if I bought a pair of shoes. But I can guarantee you that there were no thoughts of creating a designer baby that went through my head when I finally sat there with the first order confirmation that semen was on its way to the clinic. It was a combination of hopeful expectation and a declaration of bankruptcy that the family dream ended here.

Exactly this around Father's Day and similar situations that can create questions and a feeling that something is missing, one tries to form some thoughts around. I think the most important thing is not to problematize it too much or make it something bigger than it is. Avoid transmitting adult thoughts to the child. If you are constantly told "poor you who do not have a dad" then you will eventually think so too. Father's Day is just one day of 365 days a year and there are many reasons why children grow up without their biological father. If cards are to be made for Father's Day in the kindergarten, you can suggest making cards for grandfather or uncle, for example. I also do not think we will not be alone for the rest of our lives. At some point, someone will appear who wants to be part of our little family. It is not a matter of course, but I choose to believe that it will happen. From experience, I know that a stepfather can also be a very good and important father figure.