Fertility symbols

Symbols of fertility have existed throughout human history. Stones, goddesses, and rituals to make the earth or woman fertile. There is a certain power in symbols and today I have found my own that have been hidden away in the drawer in the bathroom. When I got sick, I had to hide the folic acid tablets and ovulation tests. Every time I saw the purple box, it brought  painful, hurtful thoughts and quite often tears. It simply became too powerful and visible a symbol of the dream that was put on hold.

When I now bring them bak from hiding, it´s because they are a symbol of hope. Hope that the the folic acid table will soon be added to the daily pill ritual. Hope that in a few months I may have a positive test in hand and book a plane ticket down to Copenhagen. Maybe it's also a small signal to the subconscious. I have great faith in the effect of the signals we choose to send ourselves in the form of the surroundings and the people we surround ourselves with. The expectation one has for medical treatment can potentially affect its effect. So it can at least not hurt to send the body a subconscious signal that it is time to prep for pregnancy.

Although there are complications associated with SLE and pregnancy, fertility is usually normal in lupus patients. More often it´s the medication rather than the disease. A drug such as hetercyclofosphamide can, among other things, affect fertility in both women and men, while Prednisolone and other cortisone steroids can cause disturbances in the cycle. I have already experienced these disturbances. The cycle, which has always been stable and run like a clock every month, has become more erratic and unstable. That's also why I´m taking out these tests to see that I still am ovulating and when it´s happening. The most critical and crucial thing now is disease activity at the time of conception. Low disease activity at conception is associated with much better outcomes and less complications. As the doctor in the podcast below says (14:56), when the disease is at rest, about 20% experience flare-ups. The flare-up is then usually less severe, such as a rash, and does not require any additional treatment.

In other Words, lots of powerful symbolism in a box of ovulation tests. Now I'm waiting in anticipation for the follow-up conversation with the rheumatologist on Thursday!