Prednisolone and PMS

I cry more than I like to admit. These dark thoughts come in deep, powerful waves. I don´t know if it´s a side effect of prednisolone or a kind of grief reaction. Today I tapered down the dosage  slightly and I feel really lousy. Theres a pale and yellowish tint to my face and my hair looks dead. I could not be at work for many hours before I had to go home again. Can't stand the thought of food, can't stand the thought of anything, just want to sleep. But the dark thoughts is keeping me awake. I lie down on the coach sobbing and crying. Try to knit a little, while I keep sobbing and crying. Put on a washing machine while sobbing and crying loudly to myself. When I meet my own reflection, I sob even louder because of how I look, and even though I feel like a complete idiot for walking around crying loudly to myself, I can not seem to stop.

​It is an never ending stream of sad thoughts spinning over and over again. In a particularly dramatic loop of thoughts, I throw myself on the bed. Overly dramatic, but I can not help but push all the buttons I know will hurt. Wallowing in self-pity as tears continue to stream down my cheeks. The pillowcase is dirty and gritty with mascara before it finally comes to a stop.

​A little later the same day I will get an explanation when I notice in the calendar that "Aunty flow" will announce her arrival tomorrow. In other words, prednisolone taper and PMS is a horrible combination.