The hope in pandoras box

In Greek mythology, Pandora opened the box that released all the suffering of the world, but  hope was left in the box. Although my lupus is quite mellow and behaves quite nicely, it also feels a bit like pandora's box and hope is sometimes the worst part of the content in the box. The lupus has unleashed a myriad of potential dangers and pitfalls that hope desperately tries to clean up and sort out. For every bad news, hope finds a new point ahead to focus on. Something to move forward to. The hope and motivation that has gotten me through the year so far was squashed on the phone today. There will be no trip to Copenhagen this fall. My chance to become a mother will be the one I get from Rikshospitalet. Since I have to be followed up so closely, I am not allowed to travel to Denmark. That is, the doctor doesn´t reccomend it and I follow the doctor's recommendation. The clinic in Denmark would also have required documentation from the doctor about the disease.

This was a big blow, because I was so sure that the disease was so under control that I would be allowed to go. But when a donor closes, you have to focus on the one still open. IVF at Rikshospitalet is still on the list and the rheumatalogist is clearly on my side. So at the next check-up in November, she will have consulted with her colleagues who are experts at lupus and pregnancy, and a statement on disease status will be sent to Rikshospitalet. In addition, all tests indicate that this is under control and the amount of Imurel in the blood is exactly where it should be. So the medication is working. The white blood cell count can fluctuate a bit, so if it stays stable going forward, this bodes well. But even though there is a lot of good news here, I allow myself to feel that life also feels a little unfair right now. Maybe even cry a little. Let it all sink in and process it a little. There must be room for the uncomfortable feelings as well, for me to be able to lift my head and look towards check-up in November. It's only 3 months, 3 months will go by in no time ..